I love Johnny Depp. As an actor, he is really fun to watch. He is just cute. Unfortunately, just because I love an actor, doesn't mean I will go see all their movies. No matter how much I like someone, if the movie doesn't interest me, I won't go see it. Likewise, if I really hate an actor, like Angelina Jolie, but she's in a movie that I would like to see I'll go see it. I don't hate Angeline Jolie, I'm just jealous -- not of Brad Pitt or her big lips, but her great body. God, I hate her.
A long time ago I knew this guy and his last name was Dillinger, and his first name was maybe John, or Steve, or Brian or something like that. I asked him if he happened to be any relation to the notorious criminal John Dillinger. He said he was, that the criminal Dillinger was like a great uncle or something. How cool! He said it wasn't cool, that their entire family had a bad name due to him. I guess that movie's going to bring up some bad memories.
When I heard Johnny Depp had another movie out, I was jumping and down, shouting with joy; and my boyfriend who hates Johnny Depp because of his politics said there was no way we were going to see that movie. Of course, I always have to have my way, and I convinced him that we should see it anyway, because after it was Johnny Depp, who was so distractingly attractive when he played that pirate.
Yeah, he looked good in Pirates of the Caribbean. It gave me plenty of fantasy material for years. Is there something wrong with me that I'm attracted to the slimy, unkempt pirate with braided beard over that nice Orlando Bloom, who anyone could take home and proudly introduce him to mother?
Anyway, the previews for Dillinger were happening and I realized the only reason I wanted to see the film was because it starred Johnny Depp. But Johnny Depp wasn't looking very much like a pirate in that movie, so I decided to defer to my boyfriend's stupid politics and pass.
You know how like on Facebook they're always doing those stupid quizzes? I think they should do a Johnny Depp quiz where you guess his movie based on a picture of his teeth. It would go something like this:
Question 1: A picture of smiling lips and big, white straight teeth.
a. Chocolat b. What's Eating Gilbert Grape c. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory d. Ed Wood
Question 2: A picture of a mouth full of braces.
a. Blow b. The Secret Window c. The Ninth Gate d. Edward Scissorhands
Question 3: A picture of mouth full of crooked, rotten teeth.
a. Arizona Dream b. Platoon c. From Hell d. The Libertine
Question 4: A picture of his gold tooth -- easy Pirates of the Caribbean, but wait
a. Pirates 1 b. Pirates 2 c. Pirates 3 d. all of the above e. Pirates 1 & 2
PS: Great news, a Pirates 4 is coming. Yippie Skippie. I'm getting hot just thinking about that bad boy Jack Sparrow.
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