A long time ago, I met this guy who I can't remember his name, but he was a real dweeb and a movie nerd, which was wonderful because I like dweebs and movies.
The best part of watching a movie, is going out for coffee and cake (or, in my case, tofu and bottled water) and analyzing the film. Most people don't do that. Usually, after a movie, it's like this:
Me: Did you like the movie?
Them: Yeah, did you?
Me: Yeah, what did you like about it?
Them: What do you mean what did I like about it? I liked the movie, okay.
Me: Yeah, but what made it good? The plot? The way the actor played the part, the...
Them: We're not in school, okay. It was good.
But Movie Nerd was the type of guy to analyze movies even more than I do, and he had seen like every movie in the world. What's more, he was an Alfred Hitchcock fan and had memorized every single movie script. It was amazing. I don't even think actors actually remember their lines when they're done saying them.
So, we were at this party, and it turned out he was Movie Nerd, and talking about -- what else -- movies. So I started asking him about various movies, and he had seen every single one I asked him about, and what his opinion was regarding the movie. He responded with well thought out reasons about what made a movie good or bad. I was in heaven, then I asked him about "The Secrect of Roan Innish."
You see, I didn't like that movie. I hated that movie, and I guess I'm the only person in the world who hated that movie. I went with my girlfriend and the movie started out okay, then it got terrible. The little girl just grated on my nerves and there was all these stupid stories, and sat through the whole movie inwardly groaning.
Have you ever been to a really bad movie and someone in the audience starts ad-libbing lines to the movie that actually make it funny? I wanted to be that person in Roan Innish, but all I could come up with was, "Oh, no, not another story." Which isn't funny, and would have gotten me killed since I was the only one in the crowded theatre who was gagging at every line throughout the film. I think that is the worst movie I've ever sat through in my life. There are movies I refused to see because I knew I would hate them, there are movies that I have walked out on or stopped the DVD player. I would have walked out on this one, but it would have left my girlfriend stranded who was absorbed and thrilled throughout the entire film. For me it was like two hours of tedius, fingernails clawing a chalkboard type movie.
My girlfriend was just enthralled by the movie so was everyone else in the audience. Afterwards she was, "Oh, that was so wonderful." Unfortunately I couldn't share her enthusiasm and I didn't want to dampen her mood, but I still had to be honest, so I gave a cool response. She didn't want to hear me rag about a movie she adored, so we changed subjects discussed something else.
When I brought up Roan Innish to Movie Nerd he also sang its praises. Now was my chance to trash the film and I did. We got into a fight.
Him: How could you not like that movie?
Me: It was boring. I did not find the children believable, the stories were tedious and it was not a thriller. It had the word secret in the the title which to me suggested a mystery, and the only mystery I found was how anyone else could like this movie. (Or something like that, it was a long time ago.)
He was actually offended that I didn't like this movie and the likelihood of him asking me out to the movies had decreased by 100%. He said: Your negative reaction to the movie just proves my point that it was a fantastic movie as it created a strong emotion which all good movies do.
Since we were never going to be friends, I should have said: No, I would have walked out and demanded my money back on this one but I was with my girlfriend and she liked it.
He would have said: Can I meet your girlfriend?
That was it, we parted on cool terms and Movie Nerd was forever out of my life. Darn, why couldn't I have liked that stupid movie? I'm really, really attracted to geeky, nerdy guys. But they are so not attracted to me, I have to settle for dating good-looking, handsome men, who are lacking in brilliance. Oh, the irony. I'm sure Movie Nerd would appreciate that.
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